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Do Hyper Mothers Make Dull Children

MothersThey say, the moment, that tiny being is placed in the mother’s hand for the first time after birth; she experiences a feeling of love and fulfillment, unspeakable of. Motherhood is the epitome of a woman’s existence.

That instills in her the wonder of being chosen by God to create and nurture a new life through her. It is indeed a marvelous ability to be bestowed with but at the same time an unrelenting and profound responsibility.
 

Though motherhood comes naturally, raising children to become wholesome adults requires delicacy, discipline and diligence. A tall mission stands ahead of all parents, particularly mothers since they spend more time with the child that is to cultivate in the child the ability to decide between right and wrong. If the child grows up to be mature enough to distinguish good from bad for him, the mission is accomplished. But a new generation of mothers, whose eyes not only see their own dreams but also their children’s is proving deterrent on the child’s growth and burdensome on his shoulders.


There are some honest and wise lines in relation to our children by Khalil Gibran, that say,

“You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,

Which you cannot visit even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”

 

Your children come through you but they are not an extension of you. They are very independent individuals who should not become a source to fulfill your dreams and desires. But today there is an ever increasing anxiety among mothers concerning their children. A part of this anxiety is a reflection of our own restless lifestyle. We look at them as means to fulfill OUR vision and necessarily stand true to our expectations.

 

Little children, whose lives should as airy and free as butterflies, have now a daily itinerary to follow. Mothers want their children to dabble in all possible hobbies and not just participating in activities but be a winner at them. The argument they give is that in this highly competitive environment, the child has to be skilled in all fields to be outstanding in his group. But before making him outstand, at least let him stand on his two little feet and enjoy the doll’s house or the car race.

 

It is a very natural tendency within us that we want our children to fulfill all our unaccomplished dreams. It happens unknowingly but in our ignorance we forget to ask them about their choice. The end result is that that the child doesn’t know to think or dream for himself because he has only learnt to fulfill imposed aspirations. Parents’ involvement and guidance are vital for a child’s development but why live your child’s life or make him live yours.

 

In discussions with mothers, they have admitted to the fact that when their child does not do well or as well as expected by them onstage or otherwise, they lose their calm and reprimand the child, though they regret it later. They explain that since they put in so much effort in preparing the child for the event, it is disappointing to see the child not perform well. This only goes to show how selfish we can get with our own child. The “triumph” would have gratified only our sense of achievement. The child is nonchalant about winning or losing, he is happy simply being there. And this should be enough for the mothers as well.

 

Our current affairs, newspapers and magazines and television channels carry plenty evidence on our depraving society. The increased voyeurism, loss of virginity at tender age, cigarettes replacing candies and alcohol replacing apple juice among children no older than 13-14, are a manifestation of inanity and decadence in the society at large. Fred Astiare said, “The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any”. The statement is so true in the present scenario. From where do we expect the children to learn ethics and values when they have none to emulate. You have a choice to make; you want your child to be SMART or GOOD.


The various classes could teach them about maths, science, music and dance. But what use is it if we cannot teach them HOW TO LIVE? There are incidents of young children committing suicide because of not faring well in exams and fearing their parents’ reaction. There is a growing need for psychological counseling in young children. This affirms how weak minded and mentally disturbed they are. The rat race and pressures of winning have left them despondent and indecisive. Their minds are so unsteady and unsure that negative influence finds them such an easy target.

We have easily exposed our children to the world and its ways and an early age but have failed to prepare them to meet the challenges. We have talked to them about education, career, religion, sex, etc but have we ever talked to them about POSITIVE ATTITUDE or POSITIVE THINKING or SATISFACTION. A third of a person’s life is spent transforming from boy to man. And at that he is a confused man, diffident about himself and unsure of his dreams. Next third of his life goes trying to figure out his aspirations and goals, looking for solace and joy and reading material on thinking and living big. Thankfully after two thirds of his life, he is at least mentally well equipped to take charge and enjoy his senior citizen years. But life is too precious to spend 2/3rd of it in disorientation. The first lesson of life is “LOVE AND HOPE”. Teaching this lesson requires calm, supportive and balanced PARENTS. Give your child a break. Let him be the pilot of his own flight.