It is 14th of February, the day to celebrate love. As the first rays of sun stream in through your diaphanous curtains, your lashes blink and the surrounding leaves you confused. You cannot recall sleeping in a rose garden.
But as you wake up you are dazed to see tender roses all around. Each stem carries a message that you are lovelier than the rose. As you brim with joy, your partner walks in with a tray of coffee and croissants.
And he hears his favorite music playing, one of the oldest melodies of Mozart which he had been looking for long in vain. But you searched the internet, found the record and got it shipped just for him. And beneath his pillow was that Mont Blanc pen he had eyed desirably but thought it was too indulgent. What was the first feeling or thought crossing your heart and mind as you read the above paragraph. A sense of love and care enveloped you. You wanted to be a part of this surreal morning (I am sure the female readers would want to be). The practical people of this Age would think this is some excerpt from Mills and Boons. But even Mills and Boons is not inspired by Martians or Extra Terrestrials. They draw their imagination from and for Earthly people like you and me.
Why do we make offerings to God. To show our love and respect to Him. However our offerings do not affect our relationship with Him because He is omniscient and understands even the unspoken words. But we are humans of blood and flesh and not spirit alone. We need that expression of love and care to feel secured in the cocoon of our relationships. All relationships, be it a parent and child, husband and wife, siblings, friends or lovers, grow on trust and assurance.
Gifts are our offerings to each other. They are not a ritual or a requisite. When a mother buys a birthday present for her child, it shows that she cherishes the day her child saw the daylight. And the gift expresses it. A husband and wife raise toast on their anniversary to celebrate the moment they came into each other’s life.
Those who think that gifts and celebrations in a relationship are a mere customary formality do not realize how it affects our psyche. And the fact that it affects our head and heart to a considerable level can be proved only through the absence of it. Imagine it is your birthday; you get up excited to receive greetings. But there are none. No cards, no flowers and no gifts. It would hurt you hard and deep. And these feelings are experienced not just by a 7 year toddler or a 16 year old colleen but your 70 year old grand mother would feel the same. The most self-destructive thought comes with the non expression of love i.e. “Nobody cares for me enough”.
We need relationships to evolve as humans and relationships need love and warmth to blossom. Our heart is a well of love that can give love and also needs to receive it. But love is not a commodity. It is an emotion that has to be expressed as thoughtfulness. This thoughtfulness could be sent across as a compliment, card, gift or any other way. The size of the gift and the language of compliment do not matter but your feelings behind it do.
When a wife goes to the airport to receive her husband after a long trip, she wants to look her best, neither to fish compliments from him nor for other men to ogle at her. But to welcome her dear husband and make him feel special. And the husband’s three words, “You look beautiful”, assure her that she is still important to him. These tiny things look simple and routine but unknowingly they go a long way in solidifying the relationship.
A child wants to impress his teacher, so he reads and prepares the lesson in advance. And when the teacher acknowledges and appreciates his preparation, it boosts the confidence of the child. Compliments are a statement of appreciation. It could be about appearance, intellect, goodness or just simplicity and kindness. And it is of course necessary to appreciate and compliment the goodness of others or else what is the sense of having it around us.
Relationships are like fragile and delicate plants that need the right amount of warmth to bloom. And this warmth does not come from sunlight alone. It needs feelings to be expressed, words to be spelt and thoughtfulness to be manifested. When relationships grow strong they usher vibrancy into life and beauty all around. So it does not save to be stingy in compliments and it pays to be generous with gifts. But a word of caution, sycophancy has no room in lasting relationships. Emma Goldman said, “I’d rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck”. But I believe roses and diamonds together make the most winning combination. (men please take cue from this.) J . So here is champagne and caviar to celebrate the essence of human bonding.
